Self-Love often feels fluffy but there's nothing fluffy about today's episode. I'm getting real REAL about what self-love IS and what it is NOT. We'll be breaking down the myths and calling out the bs and by the end of it all, you'll feel prepared AF to love the absolute crap out of yourself and not feel guilty about it.
Listen to hear:
- The 7 biggest myths about self-love plus a bonus one I've never talked about on the blog
- The importance of self-love beyond what you've heard before
- That one time I felt like I had a diaper butt in middle school and how it relates to self-love
- What you really need to know to fully and consistently live your best life
Ok, let's go!
The following transcript was created through Google Voice. There may (will) be errors. I plan on coming back to edit this soon!
What is self-love anyway like I should be song I also am really sorry that I just sang I'm sorry I'm not sorry okay here we go let's get started what is self-love anyway okay well first of all I think it's important to Define what self-love is it quite frankly the definition that's online when you Google it is very simple it's for guard for one's own well-being and happiness chiefly considered as a desirable rather than a narcissistic characteristic now self-love I think is a lot more complicated than just that and that's why I'm doing this podcast episode today and I want to talk about it so it seems to be a trend these days make more time for you put yourself first devote time to taking care of yourself and for some people this is Embrace with open arms While others it's like this whole new realm of perspective that might feel different or even selfish I can't tell you how many women I talk to you almost everyday that tell me I wish that I could put myself first I just don't know how I don't know how to make self-care a part of my daily life because I feel like the needs of others in my family my kids my spouse my co-workers they just have to come first that's a whole other topic but if you're feeling that way just know that you're not alone in that and there are ways to move past that too before we dive into some of these big myths I want to break down south love for you into a series of bullet points that describe what it means to incorporate self love into your life so this is what I think so Love Is You can disagree you can add to this list but to put yourself first relaxing more and worrying less from moving forward toward your goals it's loving yourself based on who you are not the opinion or the soul opinion of others it's creating long-lasting positive habits it's taking time to acknowledge how you feel and quite honestly taking time to check in it's pausing to notice your surroundings finding ways to be more present in your life I also think self-love is learning more about who you are at your core and coming back to that because I think sometimes we drift away from who we really are
Self-love is also making decisions based on your own your own your own core values without wondering if they are the right one and it's learning to work through self-doubt and develop more compassion self-love is also finding ways to take more time for self-care like we talked about it's creating alignment between what you stand for and the actions you take that shift in your mindset in order to experience more positive thoughts and let go of the negative ones it's developing an awareness of how you feel why what triggers things within you and learning what you truly desire it's building and maintaining motivation and self-discipline its permission to do things that serve you and no one else this is huge and I think one of the biggest struggles that we all go through and it's empowering yourself through small actions and thoughts so today I really wanted to spell some of the biggest myths about self-love and talk to you about why it's not just a trend and something and it's really truly something that can change your life in many ways so miss number one self-love is selfish as women we grow up thinking of others before herself in many ways we grow up as the caretakers of other people's emotions or feelings and they're very Hearts we are taught to be aware of all of these things and perhaps we naturally notice them as well but at the core we can develop dependent Tendencies meaning that our moods are feeling that our emotions can be deeply impacted by the actions and thoughts of others without regard to our own well-being or wants and needs I personally am an empath I know a lot of people that are I think most of us are or have any kind of feel and not only if you have that really part to you but if you tend to be more of an empath then I always like to think of it we have maybe if you were to it like kind of visualize like an orb around you and that's our energy and when we feel empathetic towards someone else or we notice their feelings are we feel very close to that person or we think that maybe we can kind of feel what they're going through and a non egotistic way sometimes when we ran it all back in and we pull over energy mindset we worried that if we focus on more than anyone else that we won't be able to provide support love and care to others but honestly the truth is that taking care of you and yourself first actually gives you the opportunity to give more to others right it's the whole idea with putting on your own you can't help somebody else if you can't breathe on your own we have to keep saying this ourselves on Mindless reminding ourselves about this it's tough though and it takes time supposed to be so that you can give more to your life and the ones around you and definition of narcissism we know that narcissistic personality disorder or many different things there's many different areas of that so what makes self-love different than ours isn't Walt self love means taking care of yourself which is a huge gift other people self-love is the act of giving to yourself or narcissism is the act of taking from others and it in an attempt to make yourself feel better and vanity Sims from a place of I am better than where sells love to States I am important and therefore provides you with the mindset to treat yourself and others in the same way I can't remember if I'm going to get to this later or not but one thing I really want to touch on real quick about self-love also is selfies I think there's a lot of stigma out there about people that take selfies and let me be honest times in my life like if I were to have like a chart the ratio of photos I took of myself by myself or with other people or in front of things whatever to my happiness there was a direct correlation because when I was happier in my life I want to show up more in my life I wanted to literally be the face of my life in pictures and social media whether I took them for myself hard took them for other people and one thing that I love about selfies is that young girls are also taking them when they feel good about themselves now I know and I argue that are physical appearance is not our self-worth but I think that shaming people for taking selfies or for loving the way that they look or feeling happy and excited about their makeup or feeling any one way about their body that they feel like they want to take a picture and they want to share it I think that's a fantastic thing that works well here you can't pour water into someone else's cup of your empty give or exhausted if you're going through if you are battling with mental health issues and you feel empty I'm not saying that you are not worthy and I'm not saying that you're not capable of giving love I'm just saying that we can tent we tend to burn ourselves out quicker if we're trying to pour from an empty cup and we're not taking time to take care of ourselves right we can do this but there are consequences like a big bouts of resentment issues when we think of ourselves and a light that says we are better or more worthy than others we lose the ability to extend loving-kindness to both ourselves and others self-love is its the process of granting ourselves compassion and when we do so and truly believe in nurturing this mindset we extend that compassion and understanding onto others as well so it's not you it's hysterical it's not self-centered again I'm going to say this a lot it's a gift to yourself into the world around you when you can love yourself powerfully consistently and during lie and or arrogant your support I don't need to work on self-love because I'm not or I don't have... Visit on same and I hear it's a lot like saying I don't need to work out because I'm already in shape because they are both have to be felt in noticed someone in your life that makes you less than wanting Desiring working for more self-love doing that in her work means you want to feel more fulfilled you want to less drained more inspired and motivated to take on each day and working for self-love is not a project with a start in an end date it's an ongoing process just like brushing your teeth too just like doing those workouts to maintain your Fitness Arquette to a fitness level that you feel really healthy at same goes for self-love and we undermine a lot of these different mental health practices because they don't have as tangible a result or a tangible of a successor is something that anyone else can see right if we work out all the time people can notice that in our body we can we can we can steal it because we can lift heavier weights or we can get up that flight of stairs to our apartment with ease or we can run that extra mile but when you're working on self-love it doesn't quite feel that way we don't necessarily have a way to measure it so sometime we don't always do the work right it's hard to see our progress doing this kind of work what you might need to continue to move forward because what we track gets measured right so if you're looking for ways to do that and start journaling or start doing something where maybe even tracking every day you're doing X Y and Z to practice self-love whether that's spreading on compliments taking care of yourself in various ways doing that work myth 6 trying to cultivate more self-love means that I don't care about others can be hard to take a step back and sometimes away from diving head-first into the roles we play in other people's lives I already hear your thought process and you shouldn't have to ask for help at home right cuz it's not it's not our sole purpose to take care of everything at home but you get what I'm saying Okay so you really realize that it doesn't have to be your complete responsibility or role in general things sometimes they are so subtle others won't even notice them but you will feel them in big ways in fact about that real quick but will be non noticed an award there I want to use that will be like because it's a bad and it's tiny but it felt so huge right and sometimes I think this is the weirdest comparison by the way but I think sometimes when were stepping into self-love and it's new or it's a new area of sending a personal boundary for ourselves we think it's like a diaper but it's really just a bad to hear what I'm saying oh my gosh is going to be on the internet somewhere once you realize that the tiny acts are tiny but will have huge impacts and the other people won't even notice them like okay let's say tomorrow you have someone that asked you to do something at work and you go actually can't do that and you step out and you go get yourself coffee and said like how many people are actually going to notice right that's not a great example or like what if instead of taking your kids to their softball practice like you always do on Tuesdays you ask a friend to do it or you ask your husband if he can get off work 10 minutes early to do it it's one little thing that you might think is going to like burn down everything and your schedule when really it's not so just thinking about little things even more micro things that you do for love like who didn't drink enough coffee you'd be pissed right of taking time to relax and unwind to get help and support when they need it to dive into passions that bring pure happiness there isn't a person out there that doesn't feel good when they know they are cared for it from the inside out we just think about that for a second like it is almost impossible not to feel good or some sense of joy peace or comments when you feel like you are truly cared for from the inside out and it is even more powerful when it's from yourself because we know that we can't live our lives focused on the end extrinsic on the outer actions of other people those things definitely have an impact on us but we cannot look to other people to fulfill how much we feel loved that is why self-love is so freaking important because when you step into this core unshakable reality that self-worth and love and buy the things you're doing but more defined by the ways you are being everything can change everything does change because it is possible to get to a place with yourself love and to continue practicing so that you can feel a deep inner peace and and love for yourself no matter what no matter if you gain 45 50 lb no matter if you have to make hard decisions and if you end up losing some of your best friends because you're switching how you lead your life and you're truly stepping into the things that you ethic all these by the way our exact true and real examples for my own personal life it is possible to love yourself unconditionally and when you get there when you finally first get that taste of what that's like you will laugh thinking that it had to be any other way because one thing one thing I will tell you about self-love is that you don't have to earn it it's not something you deserve it's just something that is it's just something that is for you and for everyone you're not special and that you don't get it you're just like everyone else in that self-love is for you and so with that being said I want to step in and give you a bonus mess this is one I have not talked about it is one that is not on the original blog post it's Miss number 8 and it's and I haven't even written it out yet but basically it's that self-love has to be this ever flowy easy thing I'm headed to polish that and tell you that one of the biggest elements of self-love is actually self-discipline what do I mean by that by the way in a lot of ways throughout this you can always switch them up and get something different out of any statement that has either one of them in the sentence so what do I mean when I talk about self-love and self-discipline and self-discipline being one of the cores of self-love well sometimes and a lot of times self Love is Easy but sometimes it's not sometimes it's hard and when you're first starting self-love can be a b**** especially to if you've been doing the self-care self-love train for a long time and then all the sudden light hits and oh my God oh my gosh you don't want to do all the things that you used to do maybe you don't want to brush your teeth this morning or maybe you don't want to work out ever again to go to the gym that gets you to take care of yourself when you don't want to it's like I want to eat healthy right now and you don't want to work out your health and your future self sometimes sometimes when we were using fluffy self-care as an excuse to not take action on the south care we need the most I know it's a hard truth but it's something I really been facing lately and that I've been saying oh I'm listening to my body and I'm sleeping in today and the next 6 days when really what I wasn't doing was going to bed but I'm going to bed I wasn't listening to my body I was listening to the voice of my head that wanted to play more candy crush or that wanted to look up camper vans online because I have this crazy Wanderlust dream of living in a camper but my husband and traveling the u.s. for like 6 to 8 months or maybe forever even though I think we kill each other because we and just as much as in your life that you do because it is the mindset that gets you to take the action and we are not blobs that just do things like robots everything that we do requires a thought that precedes it and that thought what comes before that a mindset could have said that's so much more eloquently but it didn't and sometimes self-love requires self is fun in fact I'd argue it does majority of the time so today reflect on how you view your own self love how you view it when you see it in action and other people how can you step up and rise up and support other people other women other men other people humans in your life that are on their own self love Journey that maybe are posting selfies that are speaking the truth instead of Shaving them instead of judging them instead of thinking that they're full of themselves what if you praise them because again there light in their candle or flame it's not dimming yours and how can you step forward in your own life and create structure and enough discipline to keep you going to keep you taking care of yourself so that when times get tough you know that you can meet those Baseline needs those are the things that are worth considering so needed